Drew Descourouez
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An Honest Answer
Perhaps it is a good thing that eyes begin to glaze over when I try to describe my summer. I skip the beginning on purpose because I can pretend that most people do not want to hear my embarrassing beginning. I love to travel and thought VITALITE Zambia would be the perfect combination of mission-driven research and international exploration. By the second night, I was in tears, convinced that for the first times in my life, traveling had been the wrong choice. Being accepted into Miller Center’s GSBF Program was an honor and checked all the boxes that I love, until I landed in country and had to face the fact that I had no idea how to do my job. The qualifications for many service trips and aid programs is having a pulse, and in the moment, that felt like the most tangible part of my resume. Why Zambia?! It seemed so appealing when we had discussed the opportunity in comfortable classrooms but I began to worry that someone far more qualified should be standing in my shoes, partnering with James and creating a tremendous impact. I started to try and justify my reality with what I hoped to do with my life and that only made the problem worse – I felt so unclear on where I wanted to go that I could not possibly be of any value to VITALITE. Then, I tried to convince myself that just being here was enough, I had showed up and would put in the effort to do some kind of good but now I was back to square one, convinced that someone else deserved my job. “How was Zambia?” It was honest. It was a country, a community, and a situation that invited me to examine my behavior and my patterns thoroughly. Unfortunately the initial freak out did not produce stellar results, in fact, it made me realize that in that mental space of self doubt – I was eager to do everything better. I and began to reach out to friends and family, trying to improve the communication I felt like I had been neglecting. Weeks later I would come to realize that move had left my partner James high and dry, and that the attempt diminish the doubt through action spread me too thin to do much well. “How was Zambia?” Is a tricky question to answer and I explore more below but the shortest answer is that it was honest, and revealing. That is why I chose the photo below – it is a photo of sunlight streaming through a midday haze in a way that reminded me of being underwater. I felt like stumbling into Zambia and making mistakes was a frightening experience that left me feeling underwater at several points, but those were often the moments that uncovered the most for me.
One such moment developed on the road to Mpika when a woman and her children tried to climb onto our bus with what seemed to be most of their material possessions. In order to carry the kids onboard, the mother had left a large mattress outside of the bus with the pile of luggage that was to be loaded onto the bus. She hustled the kids to the back of the bus, cramming into the seats next to me, catching shoes, nursing, combing, and protecting all at once. Despite the heroic achievement of actually making onto the crowded bus and through the throng of disproving stares, she could not rest. She began to grow more agitated and gestured out of the window as she raised her voice at the bus driver. I tried to open the window assuming she wanted more air but slowly realized that she wanted her mattress on the bus and no one was willing to try and find more space for it on the bus. Visibly frustrated she marched the kids off the bus, this time less successful in collecting all the shoes and protected her mattress as the bus started to pull away. She stared, upset, and I looked away, ashamed that I had not done more to find a spot. I realized that I could have stood up, even hopped off the bus to investigate and the chances of it driving off seemed to diminish enormously. I could not speak the language but I knew that the driver would do everything in his power to accommodate me and make sure I made it back onto the bus before he took off. I confessed to myself that I was afraid I could not do anything without the language but in reality, simply standing up would have changed the dynamic (good or bad?) and I sat there. I am still trying to determine what I should have done. At minimum, it helped me recognize the symptoms of what I call “privilege paralysis” that allows someone like me to disengage and play a safe, quiet role.
This moment was more positive than the last, but similarly informative. The small training team decided to travel to the local hot springs. At first we only dipped our toes but Frank, pictured above, was adamant about swimming. He leapt into the warm water and I realized it was one of the first times we had been socializing outside of a classroom, the office, or over a meal. I was struck by how often culturally immersive experiences depend on host families. I think those relationships can produce spectacular bonds, and, I found myself grateful that Frank and I had been working together for several weeks at this point. As I swam and laughed with our small team, it occurred to me that this kind of relax-time felt far more natural after working together. This moment helped remind me that some of the best community can be built on shared ideas, and sharing ideas at work helped build the relationships I carry on and that continue to grow organically.
But the paradox gives me hope – the world wants and needs to redefine its sense of development. VITALITE is a perfect example of how business can be used for good and how motivated people can make something grow.
For me, this means tapping sources of hope and ingenuity, like VITALITE, as much as possible. Picture above are falls from one of the smaller branches of some the largest rivers in Africa. Our planet seems to keep going and improving and mending. I would like to think that is a symptom of honesty. My time in Zambia forced me to take an active look at uncomfortable patterns in my life, and the outcome was better, the outcome was healing and growth, despite the discomfort. I think our world is going through some frightening growing pains right now and we need to make very careful decisions about how we relate to each other and the planet. I am excited to discern my role in the world and make an honest effort for its protection.
For me, this means tapping sources of hope and ingenuity, like VITALITE, as much as possible. Picture above are falls from one of the smaller branches of some the largest rivers in Africa. Our planet seems to keep going and improving and mending. I would like to think that is a symptom of honesty. My time in Zambia forced me to take an active look at uncomfortable patterns in my life, and the outcome was better, the outcome was healing and growth, despite the discomfort. I think our world is going through some frightening growing pains right now and we need to make very careful decisions about how we relate to each other and the planet. I am excited to discern my role in the world and make an honest effort for its protection.
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